The TriYoutuber Tournament: Phil
by bubblemist
Summary: Phil is entered into the TriYoutuber tournament, only to find out he will be facing Nyan Cat!


_**Hey guys! So I know I normally write rather serious and 'proper' fanfics, but I was in a funny mood so decided to let my f***ed up mind write this. This isn't intended to disrespect Dan or Phil at all, I am massive fans of them both!**_

The TriYoutuber Tournament

"I'm so scared Dan!" Phil panicked as he was waiting in the tower for his turn in round one of the TriYoutuber tournament. He paced up and down slowly, his muscles aching from the sudden strain of exercise.

"It'll be fine, stop being such a ninny! It's nothing, really" Dan reassured him. Really Dan knew that Phil wasn't ready for the horror which was due to unfold. He was internally screaming for this to be over with, so he could finally pick up his vegetable curry from the Chapattis2Go on the way home.

"They're putting me in front of nyan cat! How the hell is that nothing?" Uh-oh. Phil never cursed. He was obviously seriously troubled. "I can't do it Dan! I can't!"

*DUHDUHDUHDUHHHHHHH!*the trumpets sounded, signalling for Phil to enter the arena. He had stripped to his waist, not wanting to ruin his clothes. His little tufts of chest hair could be seen, as well as the pink sparkly rim of his My Little Pony underwear. It could have been worse… at least he didn't shit himself with fear.

And so he entered the arena. Climbing over rocks, he made his way to the centre and the tournament began.

"In order to succeed, you must defeat nyan cat. Bring back his poptart body so we can roast it for dinner!" announced the leader of the tournament, Farrie Cletcher.

"But we have a curry for dinner!" Phil exclaimed.

"Tough shit, you're here now, you have to compete" said Farrie Cletcher, her yellow pasta-like hair spiralling in the wind. Apart from forcing youtubers to compete for glory, she was a very nice lady. Yet, her little legs meant she had to sit in a booster seat to see over the crowd.

Anyway back to the story. Phil waited for the expected attack, when suddenly he was picked up by his leg and thrusted into the air. It wasn't as erotic as it sounds, believe me. Next thing he knew, he was on nyan cat's back, floating through the air above the arena. Little did nyan cat know that Phil was scared of heights.

Phil felt something greasy against his ass cheeks. "Oh no," he thought to himself, imagining he had sat on a bird, "poor creature" he continued. He reached underneath himself to pull away the dead creature, before realising it wasn't a bird at all.

Phil had shat his pants. He felt brown moisture ooze from his boxers, so it must have been a soft one. At this moment in time, there was nothing he could do but sit in it and let it smudge.

Phil was distracted from his shitty antics when nyan cat threw him off his back, sending him hurtling towards the rocks. Shit flew from his pants and coated the crowd in smell, disappointment, and, well, shit. He tried to protect himself in preparation for landing, by holding his head in his arms.

"If I die, don't let my curry go to waste!" Phil screeched, hoping Dan would hear him.

Phil dived towards the floor. His skull shattered, impaling his less-than-average brain on a rock. The crowd gasped, and waited for Farrie Cletcher to announce the death of the pale, internet famous man whos lifeless corpse was being eaten away by vultures.

"Phil!" Dan screamed, running into the arena, only stopping twice on the way to fix his hair. "What type of curry did you order? Quick!"

"…..Jalfrezi…." he mumbled, right before he collapsed and the vulture pecked away at his eyeballs.

And with that, Dan rushed to Chapattis2Go to collect the curries. Having two curries in one night was no problem for Dan. He liked the extra chins, especially since this was his thirteenth. Even if he was on the toilet until 7:30am, it was so worth it in the end.

_**Share dis if u cried #sad**_

_**No, in all seriousness, I would love to know what you guys think of this kind of thing. I literally only sat down for half an hour to write this. Should I do more like this in future? Let me know with a comment! Til next time, precious!**_


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